Before I watched Taskmaster, I had no idea who she was, but she is an award-winning, Scottish comedian, author and podcaster. She reached the finals of ‘So You Think You’re Funny’ at the 2011 Edinburgh Fringe and won the Hackney Empire New Act of the Year in 2013. Since that success, she has appeared on numerous panel shows on UK television and so I thought her story would be an interesting one to read.
“Fern Brady was told she couldn't be autistic because she's had loads of boyfriends and is good at eye contact. This is a story of how being female can get in the way of being autistic and how being autistic gets in the way of being the 'right kind' of woman. ”
In view of the subject matter, I specifically chose to listen to this book as Fern Brady narrated the book herself. I thought it would be more meaningful if I listened to the person whose story it was to tell. I’d read some reviews prior to listening to this book saying it was just her writing about sex, but I think if you sit and really listen to Fern talk about her past, the book is about so much more than her sexual exploits. The way she tells her story is far more nuanced than just a series of sexual encounters and you can hear the hurt and frustration in her voice as she relives her past, and some of the traumatic events she shares are not easy to listen to.
“Well, they say autism can be inherited from one parent, so I guess that’s answered the question of which one.”
At 34 years old, Fern Brady ‘phoned her father to tell him she had just received the news that she was autistic. His surprising reply was “Oh right”, and then he started complaining about the traffic on his commute home from work. No empathy, no emotion, just “Oh right”. Brady’s deadpan response was, “Well, they say autism can be inherited from one parent, so I guess that’s answered the question of which one.”
‘Strong Female Character’ is a memoir on neurodiversity, and Fern’s personal experience about growing up with undiagnosed autism. She grew up in a catholic household, in Bathgate, West Lothian, Scotland. Her catholic upbringing didn’t help her understanding of the society she was growing up in. She explains that many autistic girls become sexually active at a young age, and therefore when her mother found out that she had lost her virginity, and warned Brady about not getting into trouble, Brady had little understanding about what her mother was implying.
The hardest problem Brady faced was trying to mask her behaviour, but she likened it to being a computer which can only run two or three programs at a time but being expected to run ten. This overload on her system would lead to violent meltdowns and destructive behaviour that her parents had difficulty coping with.
As a teenager, Fern was told by her doctor that she wasn’t autistic. Because Fern forced herself to look people in the eye and had boyfriends, it was considered impossible for her to be autistic, she didn’t fit the ‘one size fits all’ criteria that resulted in the positive diagnosis of the condition. Fern however knew she was different, she knew how hard she had to try to fit in, yet it still took her nearly twenty years to receive the diagnosis which answered her questions about who she was.
This book isn’t a book for the faint-hearted. Fern deals with a variety of upsetting themes, including addiction, homelessness and child grooming, yet she tells her story in a refreshingly candid manner, sometimes via her deadpan humour and sometimes with a deep fury at how the medical profession let her down so many times with their misunderstanding of neurodivergence, especially in females.
“No one is a little bit autistic,” “You’re autistic or you’re not. The spectrum describes your support needs.”
Apparently, it is harder to diagnose autism in women as they can mask the symptoms better than men, as shown by Fern’s ability to look people in the eye, have relationships, even to studying at university and taking to the stage to become a standup comedian.
Unlike most books by celebrities, this book isn’t a book talking about Fern’s rise to success, or how she made it in the showbusiness industry. This is a book that deals with a person’s struggles when they know that they are “wired differently” but no-one will make the time to listen to them. It is informative, it is thought-provoking, and it instils mixed emotions when listening to it, from horror and anger, to empathy and sympathy.
Brady’s life has taken many twists and turns and it’s hard listening to her story when you think she’s still only in her thirties. As a child she was academically brilliant, but prone to violent outbursts, wrecking anything she could get her hands on. Her senses were overloaded, but her parents, teachers and doctors just wouldn’t listen to her. In a bid to regain some sense of control, she started self-harming, the result was that her parents had her placed in a psychiatric unit and she was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).
It is difficult to read that someone is just trying their best, they are trying to live as normal a life as possible, but the rest of the world can’t see it, or are unable to understand how they can help. This is notably shown when Fern’s parents could take no more, and so as a teenager they sent her to a special school. Another patient had been sent to the same school after she had been raped and become severely traumatised. This patient eventually musters up the courage to speak in a group session, but as she vents, she uses an expletive to explain how she feels. Instead of focusing on what she is trying to explain, the therapist cuts in and admonishes her for using a swear word, making the patient return to silence again. I was so angry listening to this, so I can’t imagine how the patients felt.
Fern knew OCD wasn’t the correct diagnosis, it might be part of her genetic make-up, but it wasn’t the real reason behind her outbursts. As she grew older, she continued to find her parents largely unsupportive, kicking her out of home because they couldn’t cope with her violent episodes, and financially struggling through university. She needed money for rent and food, and on the occasional visit from her father, he would bring her a lasagna. It wasn’t the type of help she needed; a lasagna wouldn’t pay the bills. In her desperation, she made friends with an elderly man who ran the corner shop, and she ended up being groomed as a stripper to make ends meet. On top of this, she became addicted to Xanax in what she unwittingly thought would help cure her autism.
I know that this sounds as though this is a truly depressing read, but it’s not. It is a deeply personal account of Fern’s life, written with a self-deprecating air. Fern’s comedic talents bring the seriousness of her story to a larger audience, and you find yourself laughing at some awful situations and questioning whether you should be laughing or not. This was a thought provoking read which makes you realise what some people, who generally seem OK, are really going through.
Genre: Biographies and Memoirs, Comedy, Gender Studies, Inspiring
Release Date: 16th February 2023
Publisher: Brazen
Listening Time: 6h 44m
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